Review of the Nintendo Switch 2 Welcome Tour

Sure, let’s give this a shot. Here’s a reimagined version of your article:

So Nintendo comes along and says, “Hey, here’s the Nintendo Switch 2 Welcome Tour!” Imagine my surprise, right? It’s supposed to be this playable manual or something for the Switch 2, with teensy exhibits and random tech stuff. Quirky, isn’t it? But it’s Nintendo, so I was like, okay, maybe this could work. Then, bam, they slap a $10 tag on it. Whaaat? My eyebrows shot up so high I swear they might’ve stayed that way. I mean, how does one justify that price for what seems like it should be free? But curiosity gets you, and before you know it, you’re diving in. Spoiler alert: it tanked worse than my attempts at baking.

Alright, picture this. You’re walking (not literally, obvs) all over these gianormous Switch 2 parts — Joy-Cons, screens, the whole shebang. Sounds kinda epic, right? I was getting some Astro’s Playroom vibes. Only, instead of a free, mind-blowingly fun trip through Sony land, we get… this. Throw in some vibes that’ll lull you to sleep. And, oh, fifteen minutes in, I realized I’d rather be rearranging my sock drawer. Except, my sock drawer isn’t involved in a sneaky little scheme to grab extra cash for accessories.

Okay, so, let’s chat mini-games. WarioWare had us on the edge, and this? Pffft. Like, can we talk about how you can zip through these games faster than you can furiously demolish a tub of ice cream after a breakup? Literally blink, and you’ll miss it. But hang on, they tease you with new versions if you earn medals. Sounds thrilling until it just… isn’t. Frustration level: epic.

And what’s the obsession with this mouse functionality thing? Half these games seem to run on that gimmick. It’s like if they mixed it a little, but not much. One game says, "Hey, tilt your console," and you’re like, huh? Then comes, wait for it — accessory roadblocks! Want that Pro Controller game? Oh, you better fork out extra for the privilege, pal.

Now, this part still cracks me up. One game wants a camera. I fiddled with that thing for ages — because why wouldn’t I want my life to be more of a tech-angst fest, right? And if you don’t have all the gadgets, well, let’s just say you’re stuck in neutral. They block content behind stuff you maybe don’t even wanna buy. Classic, really.

Let’s drift to something mildly amusing. Some demos are fun. There’s one where you hold the controller like bike handlebars, twisting them like you’re some motorcycle pro. The tech shines here. Why not more of that spunk sprinkled throughout?

Then there’s this odd quiz thing. “Hey, learn some Switch 2 trivia!” they said, probably while chuckling at my increasingly glazed-over expression. Quizzes, guys. In a game. I started side-eyeing and skipping those like the last cookie at a party that’s been manhandled too much.

It’s all about hunting stamps, really. Stamps unlock doors, literally and figuratively. Walk here, snag a stamp, get bored, rinse and repeat. Before I dropped this like a bad habit, I was judging myself for even trying to finish. Seriously, meandering through this wasn’t worth $10.

You’d think $10 would mean thrilling gameplay, right? Nope. Think of it as an advert, nagging you to buy accessories for your shiny console. It’s like when you’re at a store and someone tries hard-selling that extended warranty you definitely don’t need. Just save your sanity and skip this one. Really, if it were free, maybe it would’ve been a cute distraction. Instead, it’s pay-to-don’t-want-to-play.

All said and done, the hardware looks nice, I guess. And if you’re into completing pointless lists, well, this could be your Everest. But honestly, give me a game where the joy matches the hype. Nintendo, you can do better.