Your controller’s acting up again. Seriously, happens to the best of us. Anyway, over at Radio Free Nintendo, we’ve got this thing for the Big Ape. Yep, it’s basically in our DNA at this point, ever since those old Now Playing segments. Remember those? Yeah, me neither, but apparently they were a big deal.
Right, so I got sidetracked thinking if “The Big Ape” is actually a fitting name for Donkey Kong. Like, is it spot on or what? I mean, this led me down a weird internet rabbit hole to The Center for Great Apes. Some real enlightening stuff there. Check it out:
– Hair, not fur. Imagine that. Fur stays short and falls out, but hair? It just keeps going if you let it. DK’s got that quaff, so yeah, counts for something, right?
– Fingernails, not claws. I usually see DK’s hands in fists, but yeah, confirmed those fingernails in some art.
– Opposable thumbs… well, he’s mostly fist-based, see above.
– Brain size and smarts. Tying a tie, driving—seriously, find me a marmot riding a rhino.
– Prehensility… those fists, man.
– Fingerprints? No clue.
– Binocular vision for those punches. Depth’s gotta be a thing.
– Smell? Who knows.
Anyway, we’re ticking a lot of boxes here. I’m calling it—DK’s an ape. But here’s a curveball for ya from the Ape Center: folks mix up apes and monkeys all the time. Tails are the big difference. No tail on your ape, loads of tail on your monkey.
Which means Diddy Kong’s not an ape. And kinda clueless. Also, he’ll probably kick the bucket way before DK does. Sorry, Diddy, but facts are facts.
Oh, oh, major news. Donkey Kong Bananza dropped a Direct on Wednesday. 15 minutes of gameplay goodness—and a reveal that DK’s new sidekick is young Pauline. Which is bonkers in so many ways, but hey, not gonna dive into the ship wars here. Burnt out on memes already.
Main takeaways: Pauline’s totally an ape, Diddy’s not, and Diddy’s days are probably numbered. What’s DK up to? Maybe he’s just future-proofing his sidekick lineup. Who knows.
And then there’s James with his rambling take on Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. So many systems, so many lives—dude can hardly wrap his head around it. It’s all like, mine ore → better saw → better tools → finally make a decent weapon. Brain. Ache. Please send help.
Yeah, needed a breather after that. We come back with Jon, who’s swimming in consoles. He tried trading some at GameStop, thinking he’d get a sweet deal. But nope, Special Agent Steve from GameStop’s info team had other plans. Bug hunting at its finest. Greg jumps in with the lowdown on Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX. Really wild seeing these being major Switch 2 releases. Who would’ve thunk it? Big solo modes too. And Guillaume and James fiddled around with GameChat, bouncing games like F-Zero GX and Mario Kart World off each other. Even toyed with the Switch 2 Pro Controller. Snazzy.
Oh, and there’s this thing we’re trying with Lister Mail—brainstorm marketing campaigns for the Mario Kart World companies. Got ideas? Shoot them over.
One more thing—so I called DK’s nickname a nom de guerre. Probably not the right term since it’s not like he picked it himself. More like a nickname. Whatever, old habits die hard. I’ll keep bungling these until I’m pushing up daisies.
